When we feel bad about ourselves we often take it out on those around us. Coming home after a bad day at work we may yell at our kids over something minor. Then, feeling frustrated with ourselves, we pick a fight with our loved ones. To do this occasionally is quite normal, but if the frustration isn’t dealt with, it can quickly spiral out of control and become a problem. Suddenly we can find that our communication is only through nagging and shouting, and we don’t know how we got there.
Jenny* was married with three children and made aliyah three years ago. Adjusting to life in Israel was hard for her as she was far away from the support of her parents and sisters, who she was used to relying on. While her children struggled at first, they were now more or less settled in gan and school, yet Jenny felt like she herself was still struggling. She couldn’t find a job in her field with convenient hours so she took something just because it was local and available. She felt that she spent her whole day on the move – running to take the kids to school and then going to work, running from work to pick them up. She was always exhausted and stressed and she found herself shouting a lot at her kids.
Her husband had been unemployed for a while but was now working long hours. He only came home at night well after all the children were in bed. By that time Jenny was spent and often felt resentful that she had to do everything for the house and the kids as well as work. It put a strain on their relationship. Jenny’s sister came to visit and surprised her by asking what was wrong. Why was she so moody and angry? Jenny was shocked when she realized that she was trapped in a resentful and angry pattern. She knew she needed help, so she gave me a call.
Our first meeting was difficult. It was difficult for her to say that while she once excitedly waited for husband to come home, now she hardly acknowledges him, often asking him to take out the garbage as he walks in, without even saying hello. We talked a lot about how when we are unhappy we take our frustration out on our loved ones. We don’t show our anger to our boss or neighbor; only to those who are easy targets, often our husbands, children and even parents. We looked at what was making Jenny so unhappy and how she could begin to make some changes in her life. We worked on a plan that structured time for herself into her daily routine, and included a strategy on approaching her boss to consider a flexible work-schedule that would relieve her stress and make her more productive. At the same time we worked on exercises that allowed her to be more positive with her family. Jenny began to actively point out the positive things that her husband and children had done, rather than focusing on what they hadn’t done.
After making these changes to her life and working on her communication with her husband and children, the atmosphere in her house began to change. Jenny was much less tense and found herself smiling and laughing a lot more.
If you, like Jenny, are feeling frustrated and unhappy and are taking it out on your family, give me a call TODAY for a free first consultation!
Call Helen Abelesz, Life Coach for Women, on 0544829815 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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* not her real name and all identifying features have been changed